There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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