You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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