Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
