i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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