guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
