My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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