I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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