Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
