You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
