Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
