What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
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She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
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He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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