if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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