he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
