right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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