I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
