when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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