I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
