I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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