4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
