were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
