it hurts more in the daytime
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
