I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
