her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He passed out mid-signature
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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