Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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