Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
