Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
