I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
