I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
