you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
