Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
