His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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