I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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