I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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