sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
