I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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