At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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