Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
