ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
