Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
