Nicole vs. Life
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
