I hope mine doesn't look like that
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
