Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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