Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
