you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
