What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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