Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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