Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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