he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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