fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
