somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
