Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
