I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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