wanna go halves on a baby?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
