I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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