I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
