So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
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i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
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There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me