I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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