How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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