Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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