something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
