if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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