I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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