We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
