Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
