considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
