Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
