why didn't you poke me back
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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