I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
