i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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