I just saw a hot homeless man
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
