how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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