Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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