Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
