What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
