You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
