Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She bit a glass in half.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
